ᵂᵃᵗᵉʳᶜᵒˡᵒʳ ᵇʸ ᴷᴾᴴᴵ
Fantasies suck out all our life force to sustain themselves, yet embracing what surrounds us right now creates energy as it is what created our life too.
Many times, feelings can be too overwhelming & messy, thus we don't want to feel them too much either. So we create fantasies. Because fantasies have been sharpened like shiny swords & scepters; they make sense, they allude power, they are the dreamy crown of a full concept thought after by the mind & ready to implement.
And then off we go, on our voyage to grab all those 'treasures' our minds have targeted for the adornment of our identity. Many of us have learnt to do that and make feeling totally conditional.
Fantasies have been bootlegs of the passionate fire that burns within each of us every single moment. They have dominated my movements for far too long; I've let myself be manipulated, coerced into deluding myself about my perception. I've let myself be gaslit to not see beauty in the reality of every moment.
Fantasies existed constantly outside of myself. Deep down I see now how they made me feel like I am missing out on privilege & bliss. They were standing between myself and peace. They were my excuse to doubt the force of life. They were the pretense with which I alienated myself from the gushing life that makes me breathe & regenerate. Oblivious to the magical act of feeling through the present; nothing more, nothing less.
Fantasies make it seem like we have coherent feelings & desires, yet they pretend to incubate those feelings by locking them up in their future achievements (or past triumphs), convincing us the feeling cannot exist without this fantasy being manifested before our eyes.
Yet all we want deep down is to finally get to unlock those feelings, so we endlessly agree to achieve what's 'needed'; we acquiesce anxiously to the fantasies' very own dictates (they seem to be AI too).
And all along I never realized until now that as a matter of fact,
I am feeling
all
the
time.
I don't always know exactly what I am feeling, yet I feel. And I live. And nothing is fixed.
Comments
Thank you!